if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
