my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize