I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
