Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
