We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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