My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
