I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
