I just cut my nipple shaving
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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