I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
high people should be assigned attendants
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
