i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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