Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
