my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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