so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
