i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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