Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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