sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
