just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Boobs speak an international language.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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