I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
