i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
