It's like God shit irony all over that family
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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