The best revenge is premature balding
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
