I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
