Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize