I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
