wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
