I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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