Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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