I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you still have your period?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
