So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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