I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
