he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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