So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
