Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
