I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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