great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
