I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
