I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
