there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
