You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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