can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
