Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
