Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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