WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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