just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
