Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
