I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
