Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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