wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
