My friends, they love my intelligence
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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