so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dignity is for republicans.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
