Apparently you make a good broom.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
