when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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