Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
