Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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