How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
