The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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