he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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