this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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