addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
