i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
