You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
