It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
