were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
