I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
