Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
