I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
