I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
