Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
