there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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