I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
