I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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