There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
