i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
