Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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