I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
