Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
