The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
