I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dignity is for republicans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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