I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
