She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
