Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
