Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
