well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont even know how to be here
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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