You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You left your underwear on the fireplace
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
