I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
