Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
