The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She even gives head with a lisp.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
