Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sarcasm needs its own font
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
