There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
