This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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