i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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