1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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