Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
