What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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