i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
