dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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