I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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