everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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