I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
