I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
