I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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