i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The beer is more important than you right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
